Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
