saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
