so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
