i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
