you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
