If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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