yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
