I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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