im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
