i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
