What a fucking waste of an outfit
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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