I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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