and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
