Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
