thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
