He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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