Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
