weddingsv make me drug and hornr
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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