even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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