You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
