i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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