this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
