I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Houston, we have a squirter
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
