I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
