he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
