I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
