If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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