from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
