so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
