Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
