where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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