he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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