My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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