i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
