It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
