I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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