Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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