you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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