I faked an abortion last night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
jump out the window naked night went bad
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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