You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
