its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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