My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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