I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
