at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
