paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
