I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
