Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it glows. i had to have it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
