How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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