Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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