Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
