Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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