She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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