dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
