There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
