Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
