He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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