im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
