if you like me you must not know who I am
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
