Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
MIDGETS
????
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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