It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
